it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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