Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
