I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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