pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
