.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
