I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
