So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
