their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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