i can't believe i had my finger in that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
