just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
