did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
