Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
