It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
