something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
