i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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