Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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