well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
