She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
