You made me cry and you don't even care
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
