He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
