My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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