it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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