A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
