The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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