When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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I just had sex on a roof
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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