it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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