I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
