This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
