it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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