I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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