Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
