when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
