can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
