Your dad touched me again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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