I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
