those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
