dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
