Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
