I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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