The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Green mimosas i think yes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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