I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
