I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
