I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
