How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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