The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
