my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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