i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
