remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
