break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
