Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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