I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
