i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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