My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
