I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
