I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
