It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
