just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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