Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
