Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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