Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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