totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
