I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
