I wish I could teleport
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
