I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
